Lauri Przybysz
ACT Newsletter, Christian Family Movement, July 2003
What kind of wedding did you have? Fancy? Barefoot? Elopement? Civil ceremony first, then in church? Several weddings, each with its own lessons? By revisiting the memories of that Wedding Day, we may recover some critical insights about our marriages for today.
Often we hear: “A wedding does not make a marriage. A wedding just makes a marriage possible.” Or “a wedding is a day, but marriage is a lifetime.” True enough, but when we look back at our wedding days, some real patterns were already present. The hope and excitement, as well as the stresses and bloopers, were in some ways prophetic. We might look at a wedding – its events and symbols -- as a miniature portrait of a life together. What have we learned as a couple since then?
The Plans. All the arrangements and contracts we signed for hall and food and honeymoon. They may have been the first large expenses we incurred. The decisions involved in the pre-wedding planning were good practice for the bills we are paying now. We learned new lessons in compromise and diplomacy as we encountered the different tastes and preferences of our beloved – and his parents. How have you grown in your decision-making skills as a couple?
The Guest List. If we thought that our wedding was just about us, we soon learned differently. As soon as we started to negotiate the guest list, we discovered relatives we didn’t know we had.
Making seating arrangements required skills prized at the United Nations! We had a valuable preview of how many interpersonal relationships impact our marriage – and how our marriage impacts so many other people. How are you getting along with your in-laws? How many of the friends you invited to your wedding are still close to you? What new friendships have grown up over the years?
The Costumes. We arrived for the wedding dressed in our best, the best we could afford – and maybe better than we could afford. Our special clothes announced that this was a special day, a unique day. We would not wear that dress again, because we planned to make our marriage last forever. Do we take as much care with our appearance when we dress to meet our spouse today?
The Ceremony. Interfaith couples may have had their first experience with the challenges of blending two religious traditions when they contemplated their wedding ceremony. Couples from the same religion also began to pray as a family unit. How have you continued to invite God into your home?
The Questions. At a Catholic wedding, the priest or deacon poses weighty questions to the couple that echo through the years. In the daily “marrying” in which we are engaged, we are again invited to give our free ascent. Reflect on them now, however many years you are from your wedding day:
- “Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?”
- “Will you love and honor each other for the rest of your lives?”
- “Will you accept children lovingly from God?”
Each day, we are called to respond to these questions with our lives. Each day, we celebrate again what Joliet family life director Dr. James Healy calls “the Sacrament of Christian Marrying”: Not a noun, but a verb, that goes far beyond the event of the wedding. In his energetic new audio CD, Healy says, “Each time we recommit ourselves to our marriage, we do so with a little more meaning, a little more depth, a little more sense of what we are committing ourselves to.
