Lauri Przybysz, MS Ed
Christians over the years have learned that certain disciplines and practices help them keep the spiritual channels open and help keep the heart turned toward God. What makes something a 'spiritual discipline' is that it takes a specific part of your way of life and turns it toward God. A spiritual discipline is, when practiced faithfully and regularly, a habit or regular pattern in your life that repeatedly brings you back to God and opens you up to what God is saying to you. Married people don’t live in monasteries, so they will put their own “worldly” spin on the traditional “disciplines”. The following practices are tools that help us cooperate with the Spirit in the task of remaking us into better marriage partners.
1. Journaling - While we can keep a written account of our conversation with God or the events of our lives, recording our thoughts privately and then sharing them can develop deeper communication: Write letters and email thoughts; use the PAIRS daily temperature reading, marriage encounter dialogue prompts, start or refresh a photo album or make video of a joint project.
2. Pilgrimage - Together, visit your childhood homes, schools, and playgrounds. Spend time with elder relatives and hear their stories. Holiday visits to families can be come deep learning experiences. Go to your local cathedral or shrine together. Pilgrimage is a way God gives us to answer that yearning to physically travel to discover God and the truths about ourselves.
3. Fasting - Fasting focuses our attention on what we really need to survive and turns our thoughts to God. Turn off the TV or computer one hour early and go to bed for a massage. Give up needing to have the last word. Change unhealthy habits, such as swearing, smoking, credit buying, or abusing drugs or alcohol.
4. Quiet Time - Spend time individually, pursuing an activity you love but your partner does not. Develop a hidden talent. Renew and develop a same-sex friendship. Turn off the radio and think about the future on your drive to work.
5. Keeping Sabbath - Play and laugh together. Join a bowling league or card club. Avoid entertainment that degrades human dignity. Establish a tradition of Sunday breakfast after church. Cut out unnecessary work on Sundays and do something fun and relaxing. Go on a married couples’ retreat weekend.
6. Prayer - Create and pray a special grace before meals. Call each other at the end of the workday and share one intention for your partner to pray on the way home. Say the rosary together at the start of a car trip. Make a running list of what you are thankful for.
7. Worship - Learn about each other’s religion and visit each other’s churches. Create decorations for the current holiday season and display them. Hold hands and pray for each other before going to sleep. Meet for a walk at dawn and greet the new day with gratitude.
8. Service - If you don’t have children or are empty nesters, baby-sit a child together for a whole day. Take a teenager to the museum. Serve together at a soup kitchen. Plant and work a garden together. Begin to donate a part of your income to a favorite charity. Sponsor a needy child abroad. Take your parents shopping or out to lunch.
9. Self-surrender - Turn away from selfishness. Defer to one another. Give your partner the biggest and best portion. Eat healthy; take vitamins. Create a better budget for your finances. Accompany your partner to one craft show or fishing trip - any activity that you would rather avoid - and look at it through their eyes. (Ancient ascetics used a bed of nails.).
10. Reconciliation - Practice conflict resolution skills and learn the Active Listening Techniques of PREP. Identify one strength of your family of origin; forgive one weakness. When you are wrong, say, “I’m sorry; please forgive me.” When you are right, don’t gloat. Take a marriage communication inventory, like REFOCCUS.
